MMS_SelftrustUnderPressure_AUDIO
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Dr. Julia Bowlin: [00:00:00] The pressure isn't a sign that we're failing. It's a sign that we're standing in something that matters.
Hi there. I'm Dr. Julia Bowlin, and this is Mindset Medicine. Before we dive in today, just take one breath with me. Nothing fancy, nothing corrective. Just a breath that says, I'm here because today isn't about learning something new. It's about recognizing something that you have already lived. There are moments in life when pressure is real, stakes are high, and no one can promise you how things are gonna turn out.
You can prepare, you can think it through, and you could do everything right and still, there's no guarantee, and yet you still have to decide how you're going to show up. What this episode is about is that not confidence as bravado, not [00:01:00] confidence as certainty, but confidence as self-trust when the outcome isn't guaranteed and the ground feels unsteady.
All right, here's the deal. All month long in February, we've been talking about confidence as something that is built, not something that you either have or don't have. It's not a personality trait, not a mindset trick, not something reserved for the loudest or the most decisive person in the room. Real confidence is quieter than that.
It lives in the way that we make decisions when no one is clapping in the way that we hold our boundaries. When it would be easier just to overexplain. Maybe in a way that we stay connected with ourselves when the pressure's on uncertainty is nowhere to be found. And today's episode is where all of that gets tested because if confidence is real, it has to show up when things are unresolved, when you don't know how things are gonna land and when there's no external [00:02:00] reassurance that we can lean on.
That's confidence and practice, not theory. So how do we do this? Self-trust when we're in pressure, here's something I see all the time, especially in high functioning, capable people. We trust ourselves when things feel predictable, when the plans make sense, and when effort feels well proportional to the outcome.
But the moment uncertainty shows up, the trust really starts to wobble. We start second guessing. We start over preparing. We wait for one more piece of information, one other person's opinion, and maybe one more sign that it's safe to make a move. Pressure doesn't create that hesitation. It just exposes where we've been outsourcing our trust, our outcomes, our approval or our certainty to other people or things instead of holding it that trust [00:03:00] internally.
This shows up everywhere in medicine. There are moments when we may have done everything right, everything we're supposed to do. We may have reviewed our data. We've weighed all the options. We understand the risks and the benefits, and still for us in medical care, there's often no clean answer. No guarantee, no perfect path forward.
Those moments can feel uncomfortable, even unsettling for a doctor, especially for people, we care deeply for who we take responsibility of their care and their health seriously, who we want to do right by others. But here's the truth, we don't talk about uncertainty. Doesn't mean that we're unprepared. It means we're dealing with real life.
Self-trust in those moments isn't about feeling calm or confident. It's about staying grounded in our judgment, in our values, in our integrity, without needing the [00:04:00] outcome to validate who we are. I'm gonna pause on that because it's important. The pressure isn't a sign that we're failing. It's a sign that we're standing in something that matters.
So when we're feeling that pressure and we're feeling like questioning ourselves, we have to go back to our judgment, our values, and our integrity. Instead of feeling like something else or somebody else, somebody else's opinion needs to validate us. So how do we transition that self-trust into living experiences?
And this kind of pressure doesn't just show up in professional spaces. It shows up in personal moments too, especially the ones where love, responsibility, and autonomy all collide. Where the hardest part isn't about making decisions, but knowing when not to take control, where self-trust isn't proven by action, but by restraint.
And this is where confidence becomes deeply personal. There's a moment I [00:05:00] wanna talk about, not in detail, and not as a story you need to understand fully, but as an experience that many, many people recognize in their own way. When someone you love is facing the end of life, there's often a strong pull to manage the process, to organize it, to optimize it, to make sure it unfolds in the best way possible.
Sometimes the person you love chooses a path that preserves autonomy and independence, even when that choice makes things harder for the people around them. And yes, I'm talking personally here. There's pressure in that space, pressure to persuade, pressure to protect, pressure, to step in and take over, especially when you're capable, informed, and used to being the one who holds things together.
Self-trust for me, showed up in a way that totally surprised me. It wasn't about doing more. It wasn't about convincing or correcting. It was about staying present [00:06:00] without overriding someone else's dignity In the name of my own discomfort. And that kind of self-trust is really quiet and it's not rewarded with certainty, that's for sure.
It doesn't come with reassurance that I was doing it right. It simply asked me to remain aligned with my values, with my integrity, with my capacity to love without controlling the situation. And folks, that's not easy. And this, what does this reveal about confidence? Like what does that make sense? Well, this is where confidence gets misunderstood.
So often we tend to think that confidence looks like action, decisiveness, taking charge, but sometimes confidence looks like restraint, like allowing another adult to choose differently than you would like Tolerating uncertainty without collapsing into the fixing or managing mode. That kind of self-trust isn't loud.
It doesn't announce itself. [00:07:00] But's incredibly steady. If you're listening to this and something inu is stirring, it may not be about end of life at all. It might be about maybe a conversation you're avoiding because you can't control how it's going to land. Maybe it's a decision that you're delaying because you can't guarantee the outcome, or maybe it's a boundary you know is needed.
But you're waiting to feel more certain before you hold it. This is where I wanna pause, not to explain further, but to invite you into your own moment of self-trust. So let's pause here for a moment. Not to figure anything out, not to make a plan. Just to notice if there's a situation in your life right now where the outcome isn't guaranteed, let that come to the mind gently.
No need to choose the hardest one, just something real. And as you hold it, notice what happens inside of you. Where does the pressure show [00:08:00] up? Is it in your chest? Your jaw? Your shoulders? Is there an urge to act, to explain, to fix, or to control? You don't need to push any of that away. Instead, I just want to ask a different kind of question.
If certainty were not required, if reassurance wasn't available, what do you know already? Not what you hope, not what you fear, but what feels quietly true beneath the noise. You might notice an answer arrives as a sensation rather than a sentence. That's okay. Self-trust doesn't always speak in words. Now, see if you can stay connected to that knowing without needing it to promise you a result.
Just sit with that. This is a practice staying [00:09:00] with yourself while things are unresolved. Choosing alignment over control and allowing outcomes to remain open without making them mean anything. About your worth or your competence. Just allowance. And take another breath here and remind yourself gently. I don't have to know how this is gonna end to trust myself in it.
From that place, we don't need to rush back into action. We'll let this awareness settle because confidence doesn't come from a forcing movement. It comes from reinforcing self trust in small repeatable ways. So let's let that self-trust settle. As we came out of that pause, there's nothing you need to take notes on right now.
Nothing you need to remember perfectly, just integration, because it doesn't happen through effort. It just happens through repetition and [00:10:00] permission. So instead of asking, what should I do now, let the question soften into something quieter, something like. Just know what it feels like in your body. When you stay aligned, even briefly, without trying to resolve a situation.
You might notice a little more space in your chest or a softening in your jaw or your shoulders, or this sense of steadiness that isn't loud, but it's there. That's self-trust registering, and you don't need to hold onto it tightly. In fact, the more gently you allow self-trust, the more accessible it becomes.
You may find that over the next few hours or even over the next few days, this is gonna start showing up in small ways. You might say less instead of more, you might pause instead of rushing in to decide something. And you might notice where you're about to override yourself and you don't, 'cause you paused and you waited.[00:11:00]
Not because you're trying to be confident, but because your system remembers. That you can be in alignment and you remember what it feels like. If it helps, try anchoring this with a simple internal phrase, not a mantra, just a little reminder like, I can stay with myself even if this is unfinished. I can stay with myself even if my unfinished, my sentence is unfinished.
The conversation is unfinished, and that's okay. And let the sentence land wherever it wants to land. Know this, every time you choose presence over control, every time you tolerate uncertainty without self betrayal, you are reinforcing confidence at the nervous system level. And that's what I'm all about.
Let's get the mindset to calm the nervous system. It's not dramatic, it's not always visible, but it can be a little permanent once we practice this. [00:12:00] This is how confidence becomes embodied quietly, steadily, and over time. I want to name what this episode is really about. This wasn't about making the right decision.
It wasn't about feeling confident or certain, it was about staying connected with yourself when the outcome isn't guaranteed. Self-trust under pressure doesn't ask you to know how things are going to turn out. It asks you to remain aligned, especially when things are unfinished. If something stirred in you today, there's nothing to resolve, just sit in it today.
Okay. In our next episode, we're gonna build directly on this. We're gonna keep going, not when things are clear, but when living with choices, holding consequences, and learning how to stand by yourself without second guessing. This is everything. That's where confidence either strengthens or erodes. As we close in February, I wanna widen the lens just a little bit.
This month was about building confidence as something [00:13:00] lived through actions, boundaries, visibility, and staying with yourself under pressure. And what becomes clear once you've practiced that is this self-trust doesn't develop in isolation. It gets shaped, tested, and sometimes strained in relationships.
In March, we're gonna explore that next layer together, how relationships regulate or dysregulate the nervous system, and what it looks like to stay connected without collapsing, fixing, or losing yourself in the process. That's where we're gonna go next. Thank you for spending this time with me today.
Until next time, may you be happy, be healthy, and be fulfilled.
Outro: Thank you for listening to Mindset Medicine with your host, Dr. Julia Bowlin. To learn more about mindset medicine, go to [00:14:00] www.juliabowlinmd.com and connect with Dr. Julia to find out how our team can help you today. Join us again next week for more expert tips, tools, and strategies to become healthier, wealthier, and wiser in your personal and professional life.
