MMS_RegretProofYourLife_Audio
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Dr. Julia Bowlin: [00:00:00] Regret doesn't come from mistakes that you make. Regret comes from the chances you never took.
Hi there and welcome back to The Mindset Medicine Show. I'm Dr. Julia Bowlin. I'm a physician, author, hypnotherapist, and the founder of Personal Awareness Medicine, and today we are doing an episode called Regret Proof Your Life. This is about how to make bold decisions for a future that you'll actually celebrate every choice and how those choices shape your tomorrow.
Here's how to make decisions. You never second guess, and to be proud of. Because this September's theme is really about fearless decision making. And this episode is all about regret, not the little stuff like whether you should have worn different shoes to a meeting. I'm talking about the kind of regret that Nas at you when the lights are off and the house is quiet.
These are the what ifs, the why didn't I, the dams. I should have done that moment. Here's the truth. [00:01:00] Regret is a silent thief. It doesn't steal your money or your title, but it steals your peace in your mind. And most people don't realize this. They're creating regret right now. In real time. In time. They avoid decisions.
They might play it safe. They might keep kicking their own dreams down the road for someday. Maybe someday I'll get to those dreams, but here's the medicine part of that mindset. You can regret proof your life. You can make decisions today that your future will actually Thank you for bold decisions.
Don't just shape your career or your bank account. They shape your memories. They shape the story you'll tell yourself about your life. And trust me, in the hospice world, I see this all the time. In this episode, I'm gonna give you a playbook of tools, mindsets, and frameworks, coaching strategies and hypnotherapy techniques that help you move past hesitation and help you step in decisions you'll celebrate and not second guess.[00:02:00]
I'm talking about practical tools that you can use at work and at home in your relationships and in your help. And I'll share some of my own stories like the fork in the road I faced during residency. This is where I had to choose a medical path that I was gonna walk on for the rest of my life. Also, I'll share a little bit about how I let my own kids make their own choices, even when every bone in my mamba body wanted to swoop in and fix things.
Both those moments tested me. Both of those moments shaped me and both became regret proof decisions that I'm grateful for every day. So if you've been living an analysis paralysis or if you've been afraid of choosing wrong, stick with me because by the end of this episode, you're gonna know how to start building momentum and stop building a museum of the what ifs and how to start building your life that you'll actually celebrate.
All right, how about this? Let's get into some mindset medicine. I wanna introduce you to the, what I call future You filter. [00:03:00] Here's the deal. Most of us make decisions based upon short-term comfort. We ask what feels easiest right now, or what keeps me from rocking the boat? But here's the catch. Short-term comfort often equals long-term regret.
The future you flips that it asks, if I picture myself 10, 20, even 40 years down the road, will I be proud of this choice or will I be wishing I'd been braver? Think of it like this. Imagine you're 80 years old, you're sitting in your favorite chair, your grandkids or mentees ask you about your life. Do you say, I played it safe, I avoided mistakes, I stayed comfortable.
Or do you wanna say, I took risks, I grew, I stretched, I lift. Here's how to actually use this filter. First, you just name the decision. You write it down, get it out of your head where it's swirling like smoke. Just get it down. Now fast forward, ask [00:04:00] yourself, what would 80-year-old me think about this choice?
Notice your body's response. Your gut usually knows before your brain catches up. Do you feel relief, pride, or do you feel dread? That's the answer. I use this filter back in residency. In the past when I had to choose my specialty, I had all the safe voices in my head. Where would the money come from?
Where would the money go? How would my hours look like? What would be easier or harder? What would the call be like? Where would the prestige lie? But when I imagined my future self, looking back, I knew she'd regret not choosing family, not choosing a family practice, because I wanted values that touched the lives of my family, my husband, my children in the future.
But I also wanted to practice something. That would live out my values and touch lives of whole [00:05:00] families, not just cases of people. That choice shaped my career because I really loved psychiatry. I really loved surgery, and I had to choose between lifestyle of a surgeon, which is not the prettiest lifestyle of a psychiatrist might be kind of hard.
Then I found family medicine and that kind of combined too. I was able to do small surgical procedures, help out in the operating room with other surgeons if I needed to, and I was able to do some of the mental health stuff that I love so much. So here's my challenge for you to think about this week.
Take one decision you've been sitting on big or small, and write it down. Run it through the filter of the future you, and then act. Don't wait for the perfect clarity. Don't wait for everyone's opinion. Just run it through your filter. Listen to your future self and move. Okay, now it's time for our first hypnotherapy technique that I call [00:06:00] timeline regression.
Let's take this future. You filter one step deeper by creating a process that allows you to access your subconscious mind. This is the part of you that drives 90% of your habits, emotions, and decision making. It's where our fears live, but it's also where our deepest clarity lives. So this timeline regression, think of it as a time machine, but instead of jumping in, you're just using your imagination to project yourself forward.
Let me tell you, your imagination is one of the most powerful tools you have. So here's how it works. First, we're gonna ground ourself. Make sure you're in a safe space. You're not operating machinery or driving a car. And if you can and feel comfortable, close your eyes. Take a slow. Deep breath.
And now visualize this timeline standing on a long line that stretches behind you, your [00:07:00] past, and in front of you, your future. And you're walking forward, imagining yourself walking five years, 10 years, even 20 years ahead, feel yourself stepping into the future, you, and in the first scenario, this is what your life is going to look like.
If you don't make the bold decision you're avoiding, where are you living? Who's around you? What's in your bank account? How does your body feel? What is your thoughts? If you don't make this decision, what price will you pay if you don't make it? Where in the body are you feeling that? Notice the weight of it.
Is it light? Is it heavy? Is it in between? [00:08:00] Now, let's rewind. Go back to the present. We're gonna walk the same path again, but this time picture yourself having made the brave regret, proof choice. What's different in this future and how do you stand? How do you breathe? Who's showing up in your life because you said yes.
What possibilities. Are happening in your life because you said yes.
Breathing into that,
now we're going to bring us back to the present, and you're going to slowly open your mind, in your eyes to the present moment. Feeling refreshed and grounded here is why this is so powerful. As I said, your subconscious can't really distinguish between what's [00:09:00] real and what is imagined in your brain. You may have heard this, but where your focus goes, your energy flows.
So when you put yourself in that future with enough detail, what does it smell like? What do you hear? What are your feelings? Your nervous systems reacts as if it's actually happening. And that emotional contrast, that's the gut punch of the truth. It shows you with zero filter. Which path your soul wants.
I have used this technique myself over and over and over again. When I was wrestling with leaving my private medical practice after 30 something years, my head was filled with numbers, contracts, fear of letting my patients down, my town down, but I walked my timeline. It became crystal clear. The Julia who stayed, was burnt out, bitter, and boxed in from the administrative burden of practicing medicine.
Now don't get me wrong, I loved seeing [00:10:00] patients. I loved my patients. I loved serving my town and my community, but my health was more important, and being home with my husband during his cancer journey was more important. So the Julia who left was nervous? Yes, very much so. But also I felt free, aligned and lit up with possibilities, including more time making a podcast.
So that inner movie that I gave myself in the future gave me the courage that I couldn't find with my brain Logic alone. So here's your challenge. Don't just sit there spinning about your decision. Walk it out on your timeline. Run both futures, like a film in your mind. Your subconscious will scream the answer, I promise you.
And once you feel it, not just think it. Once you feel it, you'll know which path is regret. Proof now. Let me bring this all down to earth a little bit with a story for my own life. Back in my residency days. First you go to college, then you go to medical school, then you go to residency for [00:11:00] further training.
Now, when I hit residency, I was standing in a big giant fork in the road, and it's not just about what kind of medicine I was gonna practice, it was the kind of life I wanted to sign up for. And for me that pressure was thick 'cause I had voices all over. I wanted to go into a specialty that had prestige like surgery.
I loved surgery. I wanted to spend more time with my family. Should I ever have a family in the future? I wanted to pick something with better hours or worse hours. Should I wanna deliver babies or not deliver babies? Everything came at me at once and every session, every suggestion that came through my heart, from somebody else, from me, from my preceptors, and all my helpers, my academicians, everybody told me one thing or another, someone else's definition of success was very different than what my definition of success.
I love surgery. I loved psychiatry, and I'll be honest, I felt the pull. Who doesn't want security [00:12:00] approval? Who doesn't wanna be able to say, I picked the shiny, respected path of a surgeon, but here's what I happened. I sat myself down and I ran my own version of the future. You know, the future I had before letting my brain get in the way.
And I asked myself, when I am older, what kind of a doctor will I be proud of being? What kind of a mother or a wife? Would I be proud? What kind of life from a pressure and stress standpoint did I wanna experience? And what kind of stories do I wanna tell about my career? And the answer was loud and clear.
I wanted to do some surgery. I wanted do some psychiatry, but I wanted to serve families, both mine and my patients. Not cases, not organs, not one slice of humanity, but the whole messy, beautiful, interconnected picture of people's lives and families. I wanted to be there when babies were born, when grandpas were sick, when teenagers were struggling, and I [00:13:00] wanted to know patients beyond their lab results.
So I chose family practice, and let me tell you, it was not the sexiest option on paper. It didn't come with prestige or a huge paycheck like some of the specialties. But I did feel like it was regret proof, and it was aligned with my values. That choice shaped everything, and it taught me to look beyond the surface to value human connection, and to trust my gut over the noise of other people's expectations.
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Dr. Julia Bowlin: And that's the takeaway I want for you. If you are at a fork in the road, whether it's about your career, your relationships, your health, you've got to ask this question, am I making this decision to look good now or am I making it to feel proud later? When your future self looks back, she or he won't care about the shiny [00:15:00] title or the safe paycheck.
You're gonna care about whether you lived your truth. All right. Let's layer in another regret proofing tool. I call the ten, ten ten. This framework is also simple, but it's a game changer when you're stuck in the weeds of indecision making and here's how it works. You ask yourself, if I make the decision now, how am I gonna feel in 10 minutes?
Then how will I feel in 10 months? And finally, how will I feel in 10 years? Why does this matter? Because our brains are drama queens for the short term. We are wired for immediate pain relief to remove conflict, embarrassment, rejection, you name it. We like the short term answer. When we pull the camera back to looking at the long term, we get really clear about what our anxious brain won't give us.
Let me walk you through some real life places. Again, we're wired [00:16:00] for short term success, but when we pull the camera back, we get more clear about what our anxiety is telling us. So let's talk about relationships, for example. For example, if you are in a relationship that's just limping along. In 10 minutes, breaking it off feels terrifying, horrifying.
You might have awkward conversations, hurt feelings, lonely nights, but in 10 months if you stayed, you're probably still walking on eggshells, exhausted and questioning yourself. But in 10 years, you might look back and grieve a decade of wasted time because you were afraid to rip the bandaid off in the past.
On the flip side, 10 years after choosing to walk away, you might be standing in a stronger partnership or a thriving solo. Grateful. You made space for the right. Love to show up. Let's walk through another real life example. What about business and investing? [00:17:00] Picture yourself staring at a bold business opportunity or an investment.
In 10 minutes, you are nauseous. It's a risk that feels frightening, but in 10 months if you said no. You might be kicking yourself while you watch everybody else's portfolio grow in 10 years. That compounding effect of that one missed chance could be massive. Whether it's income, impact, or personal growth.
I'm not saying bet the farm without thinking about it, but if your 10-year-old self would regret saying something small rather than risking big, then you've got your answer. Here's another one. It comes to healthcare decisions. Maybe you or somebody you love is facing a really tough medical decision. In 10 minutes, choosing treatment feels overwhelming.
You're thinking about side effects, schedules, uncertainty, surgery, medications, money, time off. In 10 months, you might see the cost of not choosing it. Worsening health, lost time, [00:18:00] missed appointments, money for prescriptions in 10 years, your future self may either be grateful for the courage to act or carrying the weight of that.
And might be thinking, why didn't I start sooner? When I work with hospice families, I see this truth every single day. The people who made aligned decisions, even the hard ones, are more at peace. The ones who avoided the hard choices carry regret, and here's the kicker, most people don't regret the bold moves they make.
They regret the ones they didn't do. Very few people say, I'd wished I'd stay smaller. I wish I'd played safer. I wish I'd kept pleasing Everyone else, I just don't hear it. It's almost always the opposite. I wished I'd lived harder, taken a risk, played something different, did something exciting, challenged myself, took the leap.
So here's my challenge for you this week. When a decision [00:19:00] does come up, whether it's in love, money, work, or health, run it through the 10, 10, 10 rule, 10 minutes from now, 10 months from now, and 10 years from now. Don't just ask what feels comfortable right now. Ask what your future self will thank you for.
All right. Let's bring this home and bring in a little bit more hypnotherapy that I call parts therapy. We're gonna do this so we can really tap into the emotions and hidden conflicts and maybe that inner tug of war that might be going on. Think of it as letting different voices inside you having a real conversation instead of screaming at each other.
If you've ever felt like you're going insane. 'cause there's so many thoughts all over the place, bouncing around like a ping pong ball, that's parts therapy without the therapy. That's all your parts speaking. Here's what I mean. Most of us have different parts of ourselves, a part that wants safety and stability, a part that craves growth and [00:20:00] adventure, the part that wants to please everyone, and the part that just wants to be in peace.
So whether you're stuck in indecision, it's often because these parts are wrestling. You're wrestling in the dark oftentimes, what's keeping you up at night? One is whispering. Play it safe, take it easy. Don't take that risk. Another is shouting, go for it. And you're left frozen in the middle. So here's how you can use part therapy on your own.
Name the parts. First of all, write down the voices that you're hearing. Is it your critic? Is it the responsible part? Is it the adventurous part? Is that the scared part? Write it down and give them a seat at the table. Now, close your eyes. Imagine each part sitting around the table and let each one of them speak.
Ask each one what they want for you and why. Here's the secret. Even the part that feels like it's holding you back wants to protect you. Now you begin [00:21:00] negotiating. Imagine guiding the parts into a compromise. Ask each one, how can we take a bold step forward while still honoring the part of me that needs safety?
Okay, so this is the parts therapy. You name the voices in your head. You give them all a seat at the table. You imagining each one of them pleading their case, and then you negotiate by asking them to compromise. How can each one of them feel happy and safe? Why this works? It's because your subconscious response to acknowledgement.
When every part feels heard, the inner battle quiets down and clarity rises up. I have done this more times than I can count. When I was deciding to invest in advanced hypnotherapy training, partying was saying, Julia, that's a lot of money. Another part whispered, but this is your path. This will expand your impact.
This will enable you to help your clients even better. [00:22:00] Instead of letting myself wrestle, I sat them all at the table. What came out was the plan, invest, but set clear goals for how I'd use the training. Both parts were satisfied and I moved forward with that regret. I now use hypnotherapy in my coaching work, in my client work, in my business, in my myself, with my children, with my husband.
It has served its purpose deeply. So here's your challenge on this one. The next time you feel pulled in two different directions, don't shove the conflict away. Invite it up. Let the parts talk. You'll be surprised how quickly they can align when you stop ignoring them or trying to contain them. Now let me also bring this into another personal story because regret proofing isn't just about careers or money.
It's also about the people that we love too. One of the hardest places I've had to practice this is with my adult kids. [00:23:00] As a mom, every instinct in me wants to swoop in, fix, advise, rescue. I mean, I've got decades of experience of life. I've been through hell and back, and my brain is basically a filing cabinet of all the lessons I have learned.
Why wouldn't I want to save them from the potholes that I fell into? But here's the reality. If I over-manage their lives, I rob them of their growth. I robbed them of their chance to learn resilience, to fail forward, to figure out who they are without me, mom pulling the strings. And that's not love, that's clothes control dressed up in concern.
So I made a decision a long time ago. I would support them, but not script them. I would witness their journey, but not be the director in their play. And trust me, it has not always been easy. There were times when I bit my tongue so hard it bled. There were nights I stayed awake thinking if they just listened to me, it would be better.[00:24:00]
But he also knew deep down that if I forced my way in that I would regret it. I look back one day and realize I stole their independence just to ease my anxiety, and now watching them make their own bold choices, their own mistakes and their own recoveries, I'm pretty damn proud and not because everything went perfectly.
Gosh, no. Because they own their lives. Now that's regret proof parenting right there. And here's a takeaway for you. Sometimes that regret proof decision isn't about action. It might be about restraint. It might be about letting the people you love live their own lessons, even when it's fricking messy. But in the long run, you will never regret honoring someone else's independence.
You'll only regret holding on so tightly that they never got to fly. All right, let's bring this home. Today we unpacked how to regret proof your life because the truth is regret doesn't come from [00:25:00] mistakes that you make. Regret comes from the chances you never took. Here's what we covered. We covered the future.
You filter asking if your 80-year-old self will thank you for this choice. We did a timeline regression hypnotherapy, walking out to the futures in your imagination so your subconscious could show you the answer you're looking for. We reviewed the 10, 10, 10 rule to see how your decisions would land in 10 minutes, 10 months, or 10 years.
We did parts therapy, giving your inner multiple voices a seat at the table so you can move forward in alignment. And of course, we walked through my own stories, the residency fork in the road that set my career path and the parenting choice to let my kids stand on their own two feet. Both were tough, both were bold, both pretty much regret proof.
Here's my challenge for you this week. Pick one decision you've been avoiding. Write it down, run it through at least one of these tools, the future you [00:26:00] filter, the 10, 10, 10, the timeline or the parts therapy. Then act. Don't wait for certainty. Don't wait for everyone's approval. Choose the path that your future self will celebrate, and if this episode stirred something in you and it gave you clarity or courage.
Please share it, post it, text it, send it to a friend who's stuck in indecision. Help me reach my goal of getting a hundred people in a hundred days. And don't forget, I'd love to hear from you. You can connect with me on Tre, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn. You can also find more resources at www.juliabolandmd.com.
Remember, your life isn't built by default. It's built by decisions. Make them bold, make them regret proof. Until next time, may you be happy, be healthy, and be fulfilled.
Outro: Thank you for listening to Mindset Medicine with your [00:27:00] host, Dr. Julia Bowlin. To learn more about mindset medicine, go to www.juliabowlinmd.com and connect with Dr. Julia to find out how our team can help you today. Join us again next week for more expert tips, tools, and strategies to become healthier, wealthier, and wiser in your personal and professional life.
