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[00:00:00] Dr. Julia Bowlin: Clarity isn't harsh, it's healing, and it's one of the most powerful ways to build soul level confidence.
[00:00:12] Welcome back to the Mindset Medicine Show. I'm Dr. Julia Bowlin. I'm a physician, author, hypnotherapist, and the founder of Personal Awareness Medicine, and today we are talking about something that will change the way you lead live and love clarity. Not just a communication skill, but as a confidence practice.
[00:00:31] We're told that confidence looks like charisma, boldness, or even dominance, but here's what I've learned from 33 years in medicine coaching and my own personal work. Confidence isn't about being louder than everyone else. It's about being clear with yourself and other people, because here's the raw truth, most of us are hiding behind vagueness, and we call it kindness.
[00:00:53] We downplay, deflect, sugarcoat, and dance around what we really mean to say, [00:01:00] because we think it'll soften the blow, preserve the peace, or keep people happy. But vague isn't safe. It's stressful. It makes you second guess yourself. It creates tension in your relationships and the worst of all, it chips away at your inner confidence one and makes it murky and muddled moment at a time.
[00:01:19] Worst of all, it chips away at your inner confidence. One murky, muddled moment at a time. So today we are flipping the script. Clarity isn't harsh, it's healing, and it's one of the most powerful ways to build soul level confidence. In this episode, you're gonna learn how to be clear in your speech, in your boundaries, your self-awareness to help you rewire your nervous system for safety, stability, and self-trust.
[00:01:44] I'll share two hypnotherapy techniques that you can use today, plus some coaching questions that'll push you out of your polite but powerless habits into your confident truth. Whether you're a healthcare provider, an entrepreneur, leader, or parent, this episode is going to be [00:02:00] challenging your old beliefs, free up your mental bandwidth, and teach you how clarity is the kindest thing you can give the world and yourself.
[00:02:09] So let's dive in. So where does confidence come from and why does CLARITY build confidence? You may have heard the phrase, clarity is kindness before maybe in leadership podcasts, a Pinterest quote, or from a wise therapist who finally called you out with some love. But let's give credit where credit's due, and that's Brene Brown.
[00:02:33] Yep. The vulnerability researcher who gave us all permission to stop pretending she popularized the full phrase that clear is kind and unclear is unkind. She first heard it in a 12 step meeting, but she brought it into the spotlight in her book, dare to Lead. And honestly, it's one of the most misused and unapplied truths out there because here's what people [00:03:00] are missing.
[00:03:00] We don't avoid clarity because we're bad communicators. We avoid clarity because we're scared. Scared of being judged, scared of not being liked, scared of setting boundaries and watching people squirm scared of just not being enough. And what does fear do? It makes us vague. It makes us hedge and it makes us say, I don't care.
[00:03:23] When we really do care. And every moment we do that, every time we sidestep our truths, we shrink our own confidence just a little bit more. And here's what neuroscience says about that. When we are unclear, our amygdala, the fear and threat center of the brain starts firing. It's scanning for danger. It doesn't feel safe.
[00:03:45] It says, don't speak up. Play nice, stay vague. Don't rock the boat. But when we get clear about our limits, about our desires, our standards, even something else happens, the prefrontal cortex, [00:04:00] that beautiful logic, planning and confident part of our brain takes over. Suddenly you're making grounded decisions.
[00:04:06] You're not reacting, you're responding. Your nervous system shifts from chaos to clarity, from contraction to confidence. And here's what I want you to hear loud and clear. Confidence isn't about being the smartest or the strongest. It's about knowing where you stand and not abandoning yourself. That's what clarity gives you.
[00:04:30] It says, this is what I can do. This is what I won't tolerate, and this is how I'm going to show up, and that my friends is internal leadership. It's what make people trust you. It's what makes you trust you. So let's be honest. This isn't about how most of us were raised, trained, or socialized in medicine and caregiving, even in business, we are taught that being nice means being agreeable.
[00:04:55] That being liked was more important than being clear. But I'm gonna say [00:05:00] this again. Vagueness isn't kindness. It's fear, and it's a costume that we wear way too many times. So today, in this podcast episode, we are going to start shedding that costume because clarity doesn't hurt people. It helps them. It helps them know how to engage with you.
[00:05:18] It helps them to trust your boundaries and it helps them feel safe around your honesty. And ironically, the clearer you are, the softer you can be. 'cause you're not leaking, frustration or resentment all over the place. So stick with me because next we're going to explore exactly how clarity builds real world confidence in action.
[00:05:40] And I've got a coaching moment coming up that's going to help you get clear with yourself first because when you do, you are going to feel the shift in your spine, in your voice, and in your energy. Alright? How are we gonna go about getting clear with ourselves first? Here's a coaching moment for you.
[00:05:58] This is where things go [00:06:00] from head knowledge to gut wisdom, because you can't speak clearly to others if you do not allow yourself to be honest with yourself. So let's pause for a second. I call this the mirror clarity drill. And no, you don't need a mirror in front of you right now, but if you're near one later, you can do this with eye contact.
[00:06:19] It changes the game, I promise. This drill is designed to shake out fog and help you reclaim your soul level clarity, which always leads to a bump in confidence, and here's how it works. We're gonna get grounded, so just sit up as tall as you can. Get your feet flat on the floor. If you can shoulders back, feel your breath settle into your body
[00:06:45] and place a hand on your chest or your belly. This is not woo woo. It's science. So practice with me please. You're engaging your parasympathetic nervous system, and this is your calming zone. [00:07:00] One hand on your chest, maybe the other hand on your belly, and just breathe for a second.
[00:07:11] Now, I want you to finish this sentence out loud. Say it to yourself or whisper it if you're somewhere in public. Here's what I want you to say. The truth that I have not been saying out loud is
[00:07:31] you need to answer the question. The truth that I have not been saying out loud is don't rush. Let whatever bubbles up surface. Don't censor it, even if it's scary. Even if it's awkward, just let it come. What have you not been saying out loud? Now, once you've heard it, even if it's just a whisper of truth, say it again out loud, but this time with full confidence.[00:08:00]
[00:08:00] Here's what I know to be true, blank. Speak it clearly. Own your tone. Sit taller and as you say it, notice what shifts. Do you feel more grounded, more certain, maybe a little braver. Because I know something I haven't been saying out loud is how little I feel taken care of right now. So the truth I haven't been saying out loud is I need someone to help me a little more.
[00:08:31] Okay. Because that right there, that's the moment. Confidence begins not when someone gives you a compliment, not when your resume gets longer, and not when everyone finally approves of you. Confidence begins when you stop abandoning your own truth to make other people more comfortable. So let's debrief that so many of us are exhausted, not from overworking, but from the emotional weight of not saying [00:09:00] what we really mean.
[00:09:01] We tell half truths. We silence what we need. We hint and we hope somebody else is gonna pick up on it. But that doesn't build connection, and it definitely doesn't build confidence. This drill. That I just walked you through is what you start inside is by getting honest with yourself, being uncluttered and direct with yourself.
[00:09:23] You can't ask your voice to be powerful out there if it's being silenced in your own heart. So here's your coaching challenge for the week. Write down three things that you've been vague about with yourself, with others, with decision making or practice speaking them out loud. You don't have to be aggressive, you just need to be clear because where your clarity lives is where your confidence will start growing roots.
[00:09:51] Next, I'm going to take this clarity out into the world, into your work, your relationships, and your leadership. I'm gonna show you how to practice [00:10:00] confident clarity without feeling guilty or having self-doubt. All right. So now you've started getting more clear with yourself. Let's talk about how to bring the clarity out into your world.
[00:10:15] If stress and overwhelm or that relentless inner critic has been running the show, it's time to take back control. You don't need another motivational quote or a feel good pep talk. You need a system, a tool, something that actually works when life gets messy. That's exactly why I created mindset medicine worksheets.
[00:10:32] No fluff, no filler, just proven strategies that are powerfully designed to help you rewire your thoughts for clarity and confidence. Break the cycle of overwhelm in minutes. Set boundaries that stick without guilt and turn stress into focus and action. This isn't about theory, it's about real transformation.
[00:10:50] And the best part is each episode of this podcast comes with a worksheet designed specifically for what you're learning today. No more wondering how to apply this. It's all mapped out for you. [00:11:00] And if you're ready to stop spitting your wheels and start making real shifts, grab today's worksheet below because life's too short to stay stuck.
[00:11:07] Check out the episode specific worksheet in today's podcast. Show notes below. The link is right there for you.
[00:11:19] Because here's what I know. You can do all the internal work, all the journaling, the mindset meditations, but if you're still out there saying things like, I don't know, maybe whatever you think, sorry, but I Can I just ask somebody something really quickly? Then your words are sending mixed signals. Even your heart and mind are not solid.
[00:11:41] So let's break that pattern. This is what I talk about with clarity and action, and this is how it shows up with three powerful domains, your boundaries, your leadership, and your love. So let's start with boundaries, because if you are giver a fixer or someone in a service-based profession, you're [00:12:00] likely overextending yourself more than once out of either guilt or obligation.
[00:12:04] The boundaries don't require a billboard. They require a sentence. So here's some sentences I'd like you to start saying, instead of saying, I'm not sure if I can try, I won't be able to do that, but here's what I can offer. Instead of ghosting someone to avoid conflict, try, I've realized that it doesn't work for me anymore and I need to step back.
[00:12:28] That's not rude, that's respectful to both of you. Now, let's talk about in leadership. Whether you're managing a team or managing toddlers, vagueness is a recipe for resentment, unclear expectations, equal frustrated people or children, be the leader, the parent who says, here's the outcome. I expect this needs to be done by Friday, and let me know if this isn't clear.
[00:12:51] That's confidence. That's kindness. That's how people trust you, and it works just as well with your families. You could say, I need [00:13:00] 30 minutes of quiet to rest. I'll rejoin when I'm fully able to be present. Now that's next level emotional leadership. How about in love and relationships? Let's take this home.
[00:13:09] Literally. How often do we say I'm fine when we're not? How often do we expect our partners, our kids, or our friends to just know what we need? Clarity here is about being honest without being harsh. So instead of snapping at people saying, you never help, try. I'm feeling really overwhelmed and could really use help with this one thing instead of bearing your needs.
[00:13:34] Try. I feel more supported when I'm listened to without interruption. That's confident communication, that's connective clarity and that's real intimacy. How about we do a little bit of hypnotherapy right now? This one I call is an inspired tool that I call pattern interruption with language swaps. I love this for confidence and clarity.
[00:13:56] This is a technique rooted in NLP [00:14:00] Neurolinguistic programming and hypnotherapy, where we retrain our automatic phrases that come from fear or insecurity, and replace them on repeat with clear, calm and confident alternatives. This works because the subconscious listens to repetition and when we catch ourselves saying weak or vague phrases and we swap them out consistently, you actually rewire your language center and create new default.
[00:14:28] Here's how we do it. Notice your vague habits, for example, sorry, but I just wanted to No, interrupt that pattern. Silently say pause, reset. Take a breath, swap in a confident phrase such as? Quick question. Do you have a minute? Here's what I would like to suggest. This is what I need right now. Not sorry, but I want to that, sorry.
[00:14:56] Saying the, sorry. First is lack of confidence. [00:15:00] You're not becoming cold. You're becoming clearer, so just practice this for a week. Just drop the, sorry, pause. Don't say anything, and then come in with a confident statement about what you really think and what you need. Because again, clarity isn't bossy, it's brave.
[00:15:17] Coming up next, I've got a quick real life story and one final clarity, confidence exercise take away that you can carry into your next week and in your soul. So let's move on. All right. I would like to close today with a little bit, something more personal, because this isn't just theory for me. I have lived in both worlds.
[00:15:37] One where I kept my thoughts to myself, smiled when I wanted to scream, softened when my voice, when I felt uncomfortable. And then the other one is where I spoke clearly, even when my voice shook, because I finally realized that people don't need me to be perfect. They need me to be honest. And let me tell you what confidence doesn't come from being.
[00:15:58] Ready. It comes from [00:16:00] being real. So let me tell you about a moment that taught me something like this. So a while back, I had to have a deeply uncomfortable conversation with a family member. One of those, you know, that I've been tiptoeing around. Everybody else has been tiptoeing around and we have been avoiding it for weeks, that kind of talk, and every part of me wanted to sugarcoat it, avoid hurting their feelings, and keep the peace.
[00:16:24] The longer I avoided it, the more resentful I became. And worse, I started losing confidence in my own voice. So I did something different. I wrote down what I actually wanted to say and I said it out loud to myself three times. I didn't overexplain it. I didn't add fluff. I practiced clarity with kindness.
[00:16:44] And when I finally had that conversation, something shifted. They didn't explode. They didn't reject me, and in fact, they thanked me. But here's what I learned over and over and over again. People can handle your clarity more than they can [00:17:00] handle your resentment. People respect your boundaries more than they respect you, being burnt out, and you will trust yourself more when you stop apologizing for being honest.
[00:17:12] So here's what I want you to remember for today. Clarity is kindness. Clarity is confidence and clarity is a skill that you can practice, not just a personality trait that you either have or you don't. So this week I would like you to try this, speak one truth that you've been softening, diluting, or avoiding, but say it clearly gently, but firmly.
[00:17:37] And use the mirror clarity drill that we practiced earlier in this episode. Notice your language, catch and swap. One vague phrase one, I'm sorry for a clear one. You don't have to do this perfectly, you just have to do it a little more each day. Because the more clearly you speak, the more powerfully you stand and the more peace you invite into the world.[00:18:00]
[00:18:00] I hope this resonated with you. I'm Dr. Julia Bolen. Until next time, be happy, be healthy, and be fulfilled.
[00:18:13] Thank you for listening to Mindset Medicine with your host. Dr. Julia Bowlin. To learn more about mindset medicine, go to www.juliabowlinmd.com and connect with Dr. Julia to find out how our team can help you today. Join us again next week for more expert tips, tools, and strategies to become healthier, wealthier, and wiser in your personal and professional life.
